Product Woes

I was innocently strolling through the grocery store, when I was confronted by this most offensive of products:

Several things about this bother me. First, although it is a dairy product, made with "Real Nonfat Milk," it "requires no refrigeration." Secondly, it is shelved with a bunch of other pudding-like substances that are immune to the ravages of nature, apart from other, refrigerated puddings also available in the store. Finally, it is the color of dead grandma's toenails!!! How could someone design a milky, textureless product and endow it with the hue of newspapered-up Silly Putty! And it is a sad thing, indeed, that this ghoulish glop should in any way emulate a blueberry muffin.

Now onto something much more pleasing. Yes, it's the saucy, sassy, swarthy men of pre-modern Europe!

This Roman charmer strikes a cool pose; who says a manly man can't pull off an oh-so-draped garment - this toga means business!

And for that suave Anglo-Saxon in your life, check out this snappy cloak - just what a man needs when he's ready to say "come and get it!"

And finally, let's not forget that pouty Norman we all know; he feels good in his tunic, but was the dalmatic a mistake? Maybe he needs YOU to help him decide...